I'm sitting outside right now, fresh off my 45th birthday. I'm looking at the moss that has grown on my pots and my overgrown shrubs and the paint peeling off my house and wondering what I've been doing for the last couple of years. When I realized I didn't have a very good answer, I decided it was time to write something down.
I used to look at New Year's Eve as some sort of cathartic night that you set out to make goals for your life, change your shortcomings and make things happen. Today, I wonder why I chose that day and not my birthday. Turning 45, and things that have transpired on and around my birthday, are causing me to turn my thoughts to what is important in life and what we are doing here. I suppose we all do that...maybe not. I do. Today I'm wondering what I'm waiting for? I've been spending my time, since Taylor's been gone, trying to figure out what to do with my life. By the looks of my house and my yard, I feel like that's all I've been doing. Waiting for something. But what am I waiting for?
I keep making excuses like, I can't afford to start over. I don't have experience or credentials or whatever it is that prevents me from doing...what? I can't even figure out WHAT it is that I'm waiting for to happen. Even sitting down to write this post has caused me to have a mini crisis because I don't know how I'll finish this post because I don't know what my point is.
I saw a thing on Facebook today that said something like "Don't worry about feeling lost. That means you're about ready to start doing things your way." I hope I figure out what my way is pretty soon because I think I'm lost so this must be just around the corner.
Family = people you love whether you like them or not. Just a random thought.
Peace out - I've got to plant some seeds!
