Live Me

So it has been quite some time since my last post. Taylor has been at school for almost a month now and only home three times.  I didn't think I would get through a paragraph without crying for the first few days so I thought best to give the blog a rest.  I think we are both getting settled in our new lives and we only talk in the evenings and somtimes just to say good night before one of us turns off the tv. 

I was texting her last night and, as usual, I ended our conversation with a familiar sign off - Love you.  I type these two words to my daughter at least twice a day. For some reason, instead of listening to me and doing what I say, my phone seems to have a mind of its own. Instead of Love you, my phone keeps putting up Live you. Like so many other times, I corrected my text and hit send, but then I started thinking that my phone was trying to tell me something.

All these years I have been doing just that - living Taylor. I loved every day, all her games, school functions and every other thing that being a mom entitled me to attend with my child. I never really thought of activities as obligations or chores or things I had to do because I was a mom. These were things I got to do because I was a mom. Sure, I didn't always think like this when she was little and the children were more difficult.  I really did Live Taylor...but not so much me. 

Now, she is off making her way and I am here, struggling to re-join mine.  I'm not sure that I was really on my way anywhere when she came into my life so this is kind of like my first adventure alone too.  We are both sort of on the same road at the same time, which is strange but exciting.

So many mothers that I have talked to over the last month have confirmed that I am not alone in this strange new world.  It's a place that we aren't really warned about that I like to call the "now what" phase of motherhood.  What is my purpose, where am I going to devote all my free time now that I don't have soccer games to watch, what am I supposed to eat for dinner every night (ok, that one doesn't apply to everyone).  I want to start a blog where we can share ideas and learn from each other how to navigate out of this oh so quiet time and figure out something important to do with ourselves. There are a lot of women out there with a lot of good energy that can accomplish so much if we put our heads together.

I don't know how to do all that website, public blog stuff quite yet...but I think this might be my project. The book isn't coming along as fast as it should. I haven't started - but I have a lot of ideas. Plus I still have those notebooks. Anyway, the point is, now is the time to Live ME.  I get to decide if I want to go to Ballet or take a painting class or learn to Salsa. There are too many choices and without learning from others, I feel like I'll just be searching forever. Hopefully I can pull this together...stay tuned. Well, don't really wait around, you know how I am - great ideas, now so great follow through :)
Good night.